How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
