We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
