Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
where am i from again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
