I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
