He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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