I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
