there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
