Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
