i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
