Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
