I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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