Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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