I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
