in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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