You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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