Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
