this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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