I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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