They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
