What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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