last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sext me about skeletons
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
