If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize