If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its not stalking. its research.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
