Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
