He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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