and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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