I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
