Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Couch. On fire.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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