it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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