You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
