Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
