Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
