He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
