If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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