She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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