Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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