what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
