6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
