plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i came on her dog
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize