Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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