My first STD was from a foam party
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize