We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm too high and old for this...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
