So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
