My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
