"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
two words...techno handjob
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize