apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Found your dick twin last night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
