omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
