Im at strip club and am horny
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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