Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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