Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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