yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
