I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
