i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
