I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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