Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
