btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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