I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
