The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
