i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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