He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
