Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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