I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
