Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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