you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
