Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Randomize
