Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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