Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
