i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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