just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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