Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
