You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
