I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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