I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
