I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
