Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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