The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
